When I Pray I Feel My Heart Go Deeper

There are certain things that are very personal to me.  One of them is prayer.  I've never prayed out loud in public before.

Now first let me explain that i grew up in a church where people would pray for 5 minutes or more  during the church service.  I never understood that.  Nor did i understand those long drawn out prayers that asked for this and that (things) and made promises (for those things).  I remember thinking "who is this person praying for or to?"  "Is he praying for himself, for me or what he thinks he should do?" Because it always was a man.  Women never prayed in our church.  Not during the service anyway.

Last weekend i had the opportunity to be what is called Platform Assistant in my (now) church (the PA basically keeps the service moving along).  I wasn't nervous about it - however when i read the order of service, i realized that i had to pray out loud, in public, in front of everyone.  Huh.

I thought about it.  I took a deep breath and this is the prayer that i spoke.  It is one of my favorites that i am going to share with you now.

Great Spirit,
Teach me how to trust,
my heart,
my mind,
my intuition,
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit,
teach me to trust these things,
so that I may enter into MY sacred space,
and LOVE beyond my FEAR,
and thus walk in balance
with the passing of each glorious sun.

(Lakota Prayer)

Yes! God, Great Spirit, is showing ME everyday - how to trust and I am Loving beyond my Fear everyday.

And when i pray, i feel my heart go deeper into my God.

Boundaries and Buttons

Interesting to find out that i have buttons that can be pushed.  Today i had some buttons pushed and i got frustrated and very peeved with the event.   My co-worker told me later that my ears turned red.  What?! I never knew my ears turned red.  Ye Gads!

And now i'm pondering about my response.  It all happened so fast that i didn't have a chance to take a breath - i merely responded to it.

I have boundaries.  With people i do not know - i don't like for them to move into my space.  And i certainly don't like them to touch me.  I used to be extremely shy and i've worked through a lot of that old shyness.  But i am still, how shall i say, shy, reserved and standoffish sometimes.  And this particular person's energy weirded me out.

As this man (that i did not know-but in the office that i work in - i had spoken to him in passing) walked up to me, he put his hand out to touch me and i backed away from him.  He kept coming closer and i told him to stop and not to touch me.  He responded with a "what?"  I said "don't touch me.  I don't know you - you are not allowed to touch me."  Him: "How am i supposed to get to know you if you don't let me touch you?" Me: "You don't have to touch me to get to know me."  Him: "You aren't very loving." Me: "Love has nothing to do with you touching me or any one of my people here."  Him: "Do you get massages?" Me: "That is a personal question that you have no need to be asking me."  Him: "personal?"  Me: "yes, you can be arrested for touching people with out their consent."  Him: "I used to be a police officer." Me: "Well then, you should know better."  Him: "are you a christian?"  Me: "What does that have to do with anything?" Him: "It has everything to do with it, with love." Me: "No it doesn't.  You can be anything and be loving.  You however do not need to come into my place of business and try to touch everyone.  It is inappropriate behavior.  And you should know better."

So, ok, this went on - for a few more minutes and then i shooed him out of the office and he left.   I stood there at the desk, thinking about it.  I then turned to my co-worker and said "Unloving?  Do I get massages?  Am I a christian?  What does that have to do with the slice of bread?"  Co-worker: "Nothing - that was out of left field.  That guy knows no boundaries."  Me: "That guy is a (lalalalalalalalalalalalala) jerk."  Later i found out that he had done the same thing to 2 other co-workers.  With one he had walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders to massage her shoulders - and she told him to remove his hands and get from behind her.  Evidently he then said some of the same things to her.  She said she thought he was a lech and a jerk.

Ok so yes, i'm in need of some pondering on why i responded like i did.  Yes the guy weirded me out.  But i should have just said - leave the office and ended the conversation quicker than i did.  

However, i didn't do that - i let my buttons be pushed and now i need to learn something from it.  

My thoughts are this:  It is ok to have boundaries.  And yes people will push your boundaries.  But i need to learn to respond differently to someone when they push my buttons and boundaries.  

I need to take a deep breath and meditate on this tonight. 

After i wrote this - i heard a beep and went over to fb and saw this message from someone, they had placed it on my timeline.  Appropriate.

I Still Miss My Dad

Today is the anniversary of my father's death.  He died in 1982.   I am older now than he was when he died. This day used to be quite horrible for me to get through.  And then one day i decided to change that.

I decided it would be a great day.  A day to celebrate.  I began by quitting smoking on this day in 1991.  And now each year, i do something on this day to celebrate the day and my father.

Today i helped my mother put up the Christmas ornaments on our outside trees.  They are so lovely - they always make me smile.

Sometimes we need to step back and look at our life from a different direction.  A different perspective.  And see that things can be different.  Believe they will be different.  Visualize a difference.  And make them different.

I still miss my dad.  Some days it doesn't take much to make me tear up when i think of him.  But i don't dread the day of his death anymore.  I actually look forward to coming up with something to honor him by or with.  And every time i make or eat a devil's food cake with chocolate icing - i think of him and how we'd enjoy a slice together. 

And over the next few weeks - each time i go outside and see the ornaments hanging in the trees, i'll think of him and smile.

That place where silence is

Meditation.  That place where silence is and yet the world resides.  Inside.

For years I've been a waffler when it comes to meditation.  I'm not sure why - because when i do meditate on a regular basis - i feel good.  I'm calmer.  My mind is clearer.  I'm centered - or can find my center much easier during the day when i need it.

A few weeks ago i decided to take a class on meditation to refresh my practice and get myself going again.  I started today.   20 minutes and then i'm taking time to write down my thoughts.  I'm interested in seeing where this takes me and i'm consciously making a decision to make this a daily practice.  Right now, once a day feels right.

Taking time to do something for myself.  And i'm feeling better already.

Sometimes the Gift comes to You

Take some time for yourself during this busy and hectic season.

There are so many events going on - Christmas Cantatas, Luminaries, By Invitation Parties, Club Luncheons, Group Dinners, Tree Lightings, Church programs, Skating Gatherings, Breakfasts, Cookie Exchanges, last minute get-togethers and so much more!  My calendar has been full of invitations for over a month.

It is so lovely to be invited to participate with everyone and I know that i am very blessed.  The Christmas Season is a warm and gentle season filled with Love and Jesus.  

December is also filled with Stress, Frustration, Tears.  There are many things that i truly want to attend and be a part of this Season - i want to do EVERYTHING.  However, i've decided that i will attend only that event that i feel led to attend.  And everything else i'm going to have to step back from and say "No, thank you."

Saturday night - i came home after a busy day and relaxed.  There were several events that were planned - but i decided that i needed to stay home and take some time for myself.  I read some, checked my emails and talked with a friend on the phone.

While i was on the phone i received an unexpected gift - i saw a parade of boats going by my window all lit up with holiday lights.  I jumped up from my chair, told my friend i'd call her back and ran outside with my camera.  There they were, slowly riding by all lit up and singing Christmas Carols and yelling out "Merry Christmas!".  Wow!  Afterwards, i called my friend back and shared it with her.

Sometimes when you take a moment to relax and destress the Gift comes to YOU.

Listening from my heart

Lately my conversations with people i come into contact with - are changing.  We are connecting and sharing our heart - and we both end up crying before it is over with.

Not that the tears are sad ones - but because we've connected.  Exposed ourselves to each other.  We let each other see our Good, our Divinity.  And it is Good.

Today while i was working the desk - a woman came up with a question.  While i was researching the answer for her - we were chatting.  She proceeded to tell me that she had terminal leukemia.  I looked up at her from typing on the computer and said - "that is an interesting choice of words".  She said, "well, my doctor told me that i needed to find a place to die.  And that there was nothing he could do for this kind of leukemia."  Again i just looked at her and then i said, "you just need to get that thought right out of your head.  You are what you think and you need to think greater than that.  Greater than what your doctor said."  She then looked at me and smiled and said, "That is just what my minister said to me."

We both got tears in our eyes at the same time.  I gave her the information she wanted and she told me that she had retired and wanted to help the person that i'd looked up for her.  She wanted to help this person make a difference in the world.  She'd seen her on tv and listened to the interview and it had inspired her to contact her.  I told her to keep me posted on the progress - because i could see that she was going to make a big difference in a lot of things and her world was going to change while she helped change the world.

As i was leaving - i walked over to a co-worker - and as i approached she got up from her desk and met me.  She said to me, "oh! today is National Hug Day."  I said, "no that was yesterday, but you weren't here - so i wanted to give you that hug."  We gave each other a big long hug and as we pulled apart, i could see that she had tears in her eyes.  I just smiled (tearily myself) and picked up my bag and left.

The interesting thing about this encounter - i don't go around hugging my co-workers.  But i find it interesting that she knew why i was coming over.  Because as i said, she got up and met me and held out her arms - before i ever reached her.  I knew when i was leaving - i glanced over to her - and usually i just wave - but i knew that today she truly needed a hug and not words.  I say this because her beloved dog was in the doggy hospital after having a blood transfusion the day before and was recuperating.  She needed the hug as much as i needed to give it.  Because it is always a give and take when you are giving a hug.

My encounters with people are becoming more and more encounters of the heart.  One day i realized that i'd begun listening from my heart - and i'm hearing more clearly.

Sometimes Purple

I am.  I've been.  I will be.  I am nothing.  Yet.  I am Everything.

That is who I've been and this is who I am and then I will be.  I'm becoming.

I am. MORE than this skin, this flesh and blood. I am Energy. Spirit.  Here and yet.  Not here.

I'm Optimistic.  and Negative.  Wise and yet not.  A Thinker.  and Thoughtless.

Brave.  But Fearful.  I'm Black.  and White. Green.  Sometimes Purple.

And then when i really look at myself.  Inside.  I see.  I am Love.  and i look at you.  You are Love.

And if you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd see how AWESOME you really are.

I Am Thankful!

I am thankful.  God is in ME.  God is in You.  God is Everywhere.  Present.  You are ME.  I am YOU.  We are ONE.  And I AM Thankful!

Today we are gathered to spend time with each other, my family.  Two of my sisters and their family - my other sister is sharing her  time with her husband's side of the family.  We are all together in Spirit.  Whenever we are gathered - i always feel each of us.  Present.

Last night we were playing Scattegories and someone said something which triggered a movie memory and J. goes into one character and then S. and I go into other characters and we are reciting the movie lines back and forth and laughing - while my other sister S. is sitting there with big eyes and raised eyebrows and a frown as if to say - "i am NOT related to any of you." Hahaha and then S. says "oh too bad S. isn't here - she would have joined in!"  "We'll have to do this again tomorrow when she's here.  She'd love this." hahaha!

[Yes there are a lot of S's in my family - about 6 of us have S names.]

I am thankful for so many things.  My Family.  God.  My Friends.  My Job.  A warm house.  My Church Family.  The tree outside my Studio window and the bird that sings its song that i am able to listen to everyday.  The Sunshine today.  The smell of turkey coming down the stairs today.  The gathering of my family and friends that are coming over.  YOU.  I am thankful for you.  

Remember that you are a blessing.  You are the blessing.  Just as you are.  And I Love you.

Happiness is a Decision

Happiness is a decision.  You have to decide whether or not you are going to be happy.  Happiness does not come from the exterior of your being.  It comes from within.

It does not come from the car I drive, the house I live in, the clothes I wear, this body – the people I surround myself with.  Because.  Happiness does not come from out here.  It only comes from within.   It comes from the Divine.  Some people call that God.  I like the word Energy.  Spirit.  Because God cannot be touched.  God isn’t tangible.  But God is.  Everywhere Present. 

I’m not going to preach to you – but I want to get across to you – where I’m coming from.  What my belief is – and where I am at this moment.  So I will return to the topic at hand – happiness. 

Happiness comes from within.  Happiness comes from the Divine.  So how do you get there from here?

I have always been basically happy.  On a fairly even keel – of happy.  However, my True Deep Real Happiness began when I changed my perception of Love.  True Love. I changed the way I thought of myself, the way I expressed myself.  And in return my Happiness Solidified and became a part of my Inner Beingness.  My True Self.  It just started shining forth – because even if I wanted to – I haven’t been able to contain it.  I can’t tell you the people that have told me how I’ve changed in the past 6 months.  The comments range from “wow, you are so different” to “lately you just seem to be glowing, every time I see you”.

Are you Happy?  Really Happy?  Deep down get up in the morning Happy?  Go about your day Happy?  Sitting in traffic Happy?   Is there something that seems to be holding you back?  The “thing” that is causing you pain.  That secret perhaps?  That burden you carry?  That something that you didn’t realize was blocking your light – I got help and moved that boulder.  I stopped carrying it around with me and let it go, I’ve found an Inner Peace that is Beautiful.  I’ve always been a “smiler” but these days I just can’t stop grinning.

I made a decision to be Happy.  And I’m feeling good.

Love changes everything …. part 2

Here I am today, it is November 22^nd and I’ve been giving my experiment some consideration. This is my statement regarding the experiment and conclusion.

Purpose of the experiment: The purpose of the experiment was two-fold. One – to fulfill a paper obligation for a class I took. And Two – To see if I could change the response from myself and others that I come/came into contact with on a daily basis.

Procedures used: Each person I saw, every day, I would look at them and mentally tell them I Loved them. According to the person, sometimes I would say that out loud to them. Some days I would say this to a person many times – some days only once.

Observations/Data/Results: The experiment began on a Saturday, November 1^st – I was working the desk and there were probably 20-30 people in the room. I looked at each one and said “I Love you”. I decided to do this – every 15 to 20 minutes. I was at the desk for 4 hours. I eventually expanded this experiment to include everyone that I came across – people in the grocery store, people at the gas pumps, people in cars while driving, animals in the yard – everyone, everywhere, every moment.

I eventually realized that the first person I needed to tell was myself – so I began saying “I Love you” to myself in the mornings when I woke up, whenever I’d pass a mirror, or just sitting in discussion with someone – I’d remind myself and then mentally tell them also.

The first thing I noticed the first day – was that I began seeing each person differently. I was looking at the person with kinder eyes and a gentler disposition. I know that people caught me looking at them like this – because they’d do a double take sometimes and then they’d answer with a smile in return. As I’ve been helping people at my job – I’m getting more and more thank you’s. I'm using more patience. My voice is gentler with the people. The words coming out of my mouth are more compassionate words. As the three weeks have gone by – I’ve noticed a shift in myself – I’m happy to see people – because I’m looking at them differently. And with my shift in perception, my reactions to people are more loving and caring, non-judgemental – and this in turn has changed their interactions with me.

Conclusion: The change had to occur in me first – which it has, it still is – ever growing and expanding. The people around me – I’m not sure if they’ve changed or it is entirely me that has changed. But by living my change, I see everyone around me different than I did the day before. I see their light. Perhaps I was so wrapped up in myself – that I’d never allowed myself to see their light – but now that I do – well, once again, it changes everything.

What was I thinking?!?!

This is my #9 speech for Toastmasters tonight. I know it doesn’t read like a blog – but I thought I’d share it with you. Since it is a speech – the pattern or rhythm of the wording - is different. And I’ve put some visuals in parenthesis – so perhaps you can see what I’m actually doing.

You are what you think.

Do you believe that?

You have to show up in your life.

To make it happen - YOU have to show up in your life.

And it all begins up here (pointing to head).

Your existence is fundamental to your life.

You MUST show up!

Don’t be a stranger in your life.

And again I’m going to say, it begins up here (pointing to head). You are what you think.

So tell me, what are you thinking?  Or better yet, what WERE you thinking?

If you could dream your life – what would it be?

Is it the life you have now?  Why not?  Because as I said, you are what you think - sooooo – you create your own reality.

You’ve created this reality.  Is this the life you want?

This is your reality – your dream.

And if you don’t like it – that is your problem.

Heaven and hell exist right here.  I’m going to say this – and it is ok – if you do not agree with me.  But don’t leave me – stay with me.  Those places don’t exist somewhere else.  There is no place up in the clouds (pointing up) – (pointing down) there isn’t a place down underground. I believe that right here -- where I am standing – can be heaven or it can be hell.  I make that choice. Now don’t get stuck on that - keep going with me.

If you decide you want to suffer through Iife - then you will.

This world is what you make of it.  How you decide to live your life – you make it your heaven or your hell.

Do you have dreams, hopes, desires, goals? Are they fulfilled?

Have you fulfilled them – or are you at least making plans to fulfill them?

Or are you coasting along – existing – sleeping your life away?  Waiting for something else?  There are a lot of people that do that – they put things off – oh I’ll go on that vacation next year.  And guess what? Next year never comes!!!  What are you waiting for?  Oh I’ll use the good dishes later – for a special occasion.   Every day should be a special occasion!!!!

I have mental list of things I want to do – where I want my life to go – but I think of that list as something negotiable and subject to change.  Based on new information, I may wake up one day and decide I don’t want to do that anymore.  And that is ok. But you have to start somewhere. And in the end remember not to limit your thinking. Because you can do anything – if you can imagine it. Let me repeat that. If you can imagine it – you can do it.

You just have to believe that you can do it.

Lets start with the basics.  I believe that I am awesome.  I believe that you are awesome.  Say that with me.  I  AM AWESOME!!!  See now – doesn’t that feel good? Doesn’t it make you sort of tingly inside?

Because you are awesome.  And when you believe that you are awesome.  That you can do anything with your mind.  Then – your beliefs will change. And this will change your mind.

And when you change your mind.  Your dreams will change.  Your list will change. You will change.   From the inside out.  Because it all happens inside.  Inside your mind – inside your heart.

And when this happens, when you realize that you make your reality – your reality will change.  The people around you will change. Because you will draw people toward you that will help you – with your vision.  That will uplift you – because when you feel better about yourself -- you attract others that feel the same way. And you will uplift them – just by association.

But it all begins – within you. In your mind.  You have to see it and believe it.  Focus on that and do it.  Whatever IT is.

So what are you?  You are awesome!  Say that – I AM AWESOME!!  I am beautiful.  I am healthy.  I am perfect.  I am wonderful.  I am extraordinary.  And if you do not believe this. You stand in front of the mirror and say it until you believe it. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror. And repeat it. Until you believe it.  And when you finally believe it – YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE.  Your goodness will come out - everyone has it – it resides inside of you.  And when your goodness begins to shine – that spark inside of you – it starts to smolder and smoke -- then it really catches and it starts to burn bright – and once it starts burning bright – you can’t shut it off – nothing can shut it off – because you finally believe it.

And now that you know – you can’t not know.

That it all begins in your mind.

Oh My Goodness!!!

Today i went to the Celebration of Life service of someone i met a couple of years ago.  He was also a friend of mine's friend - one of her best friends.  I went to the service for a couple of reasons. One being that i thought a lot of him and second being that my friend was facilitating the service and i wanted to be there for her.  To hold her in the Light as she moved through this day.

What a treasure this man was.  He touched everyone's life that he came into contact with.  He was filled with Joy and he exuded Enthusiasm from his very core.  His Spirit.  During the service there were many stories of people telling how he had touched their life and made it better just by being a part of their life.

I know that i say - that i don't care what other people think of me - because what they think of me doesn't matter.  And i stand by that.  It doesn't matter.  Listening to the stories and the service today made me think about myself.  Would there be this many people at a Celebration of my Life?  Would there be this many people who thought this much of me - to not only come - but to want to express how much they thought of me?  Mmmm.

It made me review some of the things about myself.  And i decided to do something that i've never done before.  I wrote down a list of things about myself that i liked.  This was a difficult list to make.  Because i'm not used to writing these things down, or even thinking about them.  I am .....

Generous
Helpful
Smart Mouth
Intelligent
Loving
Creative
Kind
Thoughtful
Dependable
Unpredictable

Even writing them down, i kept erasing them and then i made myself put them back.  It is a short list.

And i've decided i need to keep this list and maybe add to it once in a while.  Especially when people say something nice to me.  I need to remember that i have these qualities and a whole lot more.

What are some of the qualities you have?  Just look at the ones you like, don't concentrate on the ones you don't like - that is for another day.  Today - just look at yourself and pick out 10 things about yourself that you like.  Write them down.  And when you see something in someone else - a quality that you like about them - mention it to them.  Say to them - "you are so kind, i appreciate you" or something to that affect.  

People need to be reminded of their goodness.  You need to be reminded of the good in you.  Expand your goodness.

Oooops! Did I just say that out loud?

Tonight i stopped at the grocer to pick up some salad fixin's and on the way out while walking through the parking lot i heard some commotion over at a van.  I looked - it was dark and i always pay attention to my surroundings.

I heard this woman yelling at her kids.  As i walked closer to my car i could understand the words that she was saying.  She looked at the car next to her and said "Sorry, you know how it is." And then she looked back down at her one child standing by the van and yelled, "What is wrong with you?!!!"

To which i replied, "You."

She then stood up straight and turned to look at me.  Ooops.  This is when i realized that i'd said it out loud and evidently loud enough for her to hear.  I looked at her and gave her a lopsided smile, said i love you (in my mind) and continued to my car.

She didn't say a word.

When i got in my car (and locked it, CWP's and all that) i looked in my rear view mirror and she turned after shutting the van door and looked at me.  We both just kind of smiled at each other.  She went on around to the driver's side of the van and i backed out and left.

Love .... changes everything

The Divine Idea that is resonating with me and asking me to further delve into the possibilities is Divine Love.

Love.  We precious humans have a tendency to misuse or over use the word Love.  Or do we?  Personally I think we have a tendency to under estimate it and not understand it and all of its infinite possibilities.

I didn’t understand it.  Until recently I thought I did.  And what I thought I knew served its purpose at the time.  But then I outgrew it.  I think I’d out grown it for quite a while, long ago.  I just didn’t realize it.  I didn’t know.

Growing up I thought there were many types and kinds of Love.  I thought you Loved your child one way, Loved your parents another way, Loved your romantic partner one way, friends had another Love, animals and acquaintances had even another type of Love.  And other people, well I didn’t really think they even came into the picture of Love.  They were more on the level of like.

At church and through life I’d heard the “Love one another” and “Love your neighbor” and “Love your enemy” quotes but I’d never really been taught or never truly learned what they meant.

When I was in Jr. High this man came to the area and spoke at several venues.  I went with my then church youth group over to Conway to the Old Burroughs School auditorium.  We sat in the balcony (I remember thinking – gosh a few years ago we wouldn’t have been allowed to sit up here) and listened as David Wilkerson told his story.  During his talk one of the things he discussed was his book “The Cross and the switchblade” that had just been made into a movie in 1970.  By the time we went to listen to him I had already devoured his book.  The one thing that stood out to me was him telling Nicky Cruze the gang leader, "I Love you".  He told him over and over and through those 3 simple words – he finally reached this gang member.  And this changed both their lives.

Even after all of this (and more) I really didn’t understand Love.  Because I didn’t understand that I had to Love myself first.  No one really taught me that.  I thought that was very egocentric (and what I knew of it at that time – it probably was.)

One day someone looked at me and saw me and loved me.  They showed me how they saw me, just by looking at me.  And I looked at them, really looked at them and saw them, and with that connection I knew.  I knew what Love is.  It only took a moment but that simple act changed my life forever.  It opened a door, and as I saw myself with these eyes, I began to Love myself and with this Love I saw Love in an entirely different way.  I felt Love on a level that I had never experienced before.

Love is.  It just is.  Love is everything.  We are all Love.  I figured out what David Wilkerson was saying.  I love you – regardless.  I love you – unconditionally.  I Love you – not this body (thank goodness by then I’d already figured that one out!) – but you.  I figured out that it is nothing like what I’d been taught, Love is so much more.  Endless.  Expanding. 

My experiment began today November 1^st.  I decided that I needed to grow my Love.  Each person that I see I’m going to tell them – I love them.  Not verbally (I don’t want to be sent away) but in my mind.  I’m going to look at them and tell them I Love them and send that thought out into the universe.  I’ll get back with you on the results.  I think it will again – change everything.

Home is Where the Heart Is

Where is Home?  Pliny the Elder said "home is where the heart is".  If i leave a piece of myself with the people i love - and my essence is then carried by the wind, then i am everywhere.  Does this mean that my heart is everywhere?  With everyone that I love? Wherever I am?

I am everywhere.  You are everywhere.  God is everywhere.  I breathe in you.  You breathe in me.  We are One.

I am in God.  God is in me, as me.

I Sing Because I'm Happy

Outside my studio window is a bird that sings at night.  I don't know what kind of bird it is, i've never seen it.  I only hear it singing.  And only at night.  This bird sings because it is what it does, naturally.

As i sit here in my studio I'm thinking about this bird and i'm pondering on a question that was posed to me recently.  What is it that i want to do?  What is it that makes my heart sing?  What is it that i do because i do it naturally?

You know the age old question: if money wasn't the issue, what would you be doing?  That's the one.  Are you just doing the job or is the job you?  Is it work?  Do you love what you do, and do what you love? Think about it.

I've come up with a list of things i really like to do.  Things that i loose myself in.  Things that are a meditation when i do them.

Cooking and feeding people.  I enjoy watching them eat the food that i've prepared for them as they enjoy it and are nourished.  Planning the meals, putting myself and prayer into the food as i prepare it.  The conversations that come up while they are gathered, i enjoy listening to them, participating. Laughing.  Pausing.  Hearing.  Tasting.  Considering.  Sharing.

Creating my art.  The paints and inks, the texture of the papers, the suppleness of the clay, the coldness of the glass, the smell of the wood, the metal as i carve it - the silence that i become as i immerse myself into my creating.  I usually end up with ink stains and paint colors all over me but i love it. Soldering.  Painting.  Folding. Smoothing.  Forming.

Music.  Listening to music of all kinds.  Drumming.  The Blues.  I can listen to music all day.  I like to turn it up loud and bask in the sound. The only musical instrument i play is the drum.  The djembe drum.  Sometimes by myself but mostly within a group at a drum circle.  I usually just close my eyes and let the music move me.  Gabrielle Roth.  James Asher.  Mickey Hart.  The Blues make me dance.  Some days I just have to get up and move with it.  Etta James, Bonnie Raitt, Clapton, John Lee Hooker, Robert Johnson, Susan Tedeschi, Muddy Waters, Koko Taylor, John Coltrane.  These days i've also added some local artists - i'm not sure what type of music they play - Spirit Music perhaps?  It does move my Spirit.  Kyle Shiver, Dale Worley and James King, Prema Hara, Richard Hite, Matt Venuti.  Artists that have come to my church and made beautiful music.  Right now i'm listening to Annie Lennox's newest album, Nostalgia.

Writing.  I journal.  I'm an author.  Local history has been a passion of mine for quite a while.  It mostly returns to listening to people tell their stories and documenting it.  How we got here from there and remembering the people that came before us.  Remembering our ancestors.  Recently i've had a thought to write another type of book, and someone suggested i write about the same type of thing, just a different subject.  I like that idea.  And i think i'm going to do it.  It might involve some Skyping or traveling.  What an adventure!

Photography.  I'm one of those random picture people.  I don't take very many pictures of people that are posed.  I'm more of the click, click, oh i like that, click click, look how the light is over there, click, click, click.  Did you just take my picture? Click click click.  Quietly observing click, click, click.  I've taken thousands and thousands of photographs.  And i have most of them - i've probably only deleted maybe 20 of the thousands in my collection.   They live on external hard drives.  A few of them get printed so i look at them.  Or i'll send them to people, sharing them.

Teaching.  All of these things that i do - i love to share with other people how to do them.  If they ask and want me to teach them, i will.  That spark that people have when you are teaching them something new, it is invigorating.  When you show them how to blend a color, tear a piece of paper or solder metal - and that moment that they get it - that they become immersed in the creating - it is joyous. 

Feeding my Spirit.  All of these things feed my Spirit.  I also Meditate.  Listen to people.  Read.  Family.  Community.  Being with people that challenge me.  Make me think and spell out my beliefs - because when i do that - i usually realize that they've changed from the last time i'd sat down and done that.  They've grown because i've grown.  Change is the constant.

I'm moving into myself.  Becoming.  Being myself.  Shaping my future.  And i'm excited about what comes next.  I am constantly evolving and growing into the Spirit that I AM.

What is it that you like to do?  What moves you.  What makes you sing because you're happy?

I'm drinking from the saucer

 I read this quote the other day - and realized that this is my life.  This is my reality. I didn't know that i was searching for this - until i found it.  This year has been amazing for me.  I've opened up my heart center to such depths - that the Life Force Energy is flowing through me at a speed i've never felt before.  Or perhaps its just the fact that - i've never felt it before.  Because it has always been here, always moving through me.

The people i've met this year - the people that have gravitated toward me and the ones i've gravitated toward - we've developed a friendship that is deeper than i've felt with almost anyone, ever.  Maybe  ever period.

These friendships have gone from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye.  We've all looked at each other and seen our Authentic Selves within.  The quality and depth of these friendships, well, they take my breath away in their purity.

When we connected we knew that we all had a vision.  Without even discussing it.  A vision to engage with each other, to support and lift each other, so that we would and could grow to our highest potential.  A vision of a better world.  A vision of a pure communion with Spirit.  The pure Energy of Love and all that it entails.

With these friends, we exchange ideas and have discussions that lead to a great sharing and collaboration of truths that seem to spread from each one of us to the other (sometimes without having to actually speak the words).  It is just a knowing.  However it happens - the knowledge is there - naturally flowing from mind to mind.  This Energy that is building and expanding and moving us forward into our future - is a fascinating thing to watch.  It is fascinating to watch each of us grow separately and yet together in our Oneness.  Because we are all One.  One Energy.

When i go about my day to day, I am more Mindful of each moment that passes.  More Mindful in my dealings with others. More Mindful in my dealing with this Self.  Watching my thoughts. My words.  The ones that come out of mouth and the ones that stay inside.  I'm spending more time in prayer because I've realized that my every waking moment is prayer.  Spreading Love.  Seeing Love.  Being Love.  I am Love.

My cup runneth over and i'm drinking from the saucer.

What if I changed one teeny thing?

As a member of Toastmasters, I have to make 10 speeches to complete my first level requirements.  Presently I am on my 8th speech.  For those of you that are not familiar with Toastmasters International - they are a civic organization created to help you learn how to speak in public with ease.  When you join, you are given a manual with a 10 speech tract.  Each speech builds on the past speech.  For example you learn that a speech must have an introduction, a body and then the closing.  Over the next several speeches you learn organization, body movement, vocal variety, and eye contact.  The 8th speech shows you how to use visual aids.

If you are interested in speaking in public, you might want to consider Toastmasters - they guide you toward making yourself a better speaker, getting comfortable in front of a group, and most of all they do it kindly.  Also, if you are one of those people that inject your speech with fillers like, ummm, oh well, yes, and so - just to name a few - then Toastmasters is a must for you - they will definitely help you with breaking those habits.

This is my 8th speech, it has to be between 5-7 minutes - i will be giving it to my group on Thursday November 6th:

Speech #8 Stepping into your Future
(all pictures of the crystals from Dr. Emoto's website)

Good evening fellow Toastmasters and guests, I’m very happy that you are here tonight.

I believe that we are all amazing, special and extraordinary.

Not just you, or you or even you– but each and every one of you in this room.  In this building, this city, the world.  Extraordinary.

Some people feel that they are special – and you are entitled to believe anything you want to believe.  However, if you think you are special and you don’t think others are special – then you aren’t living up to your potential – and neither are you allowing the others around you – to live to their fullest potential.

I also know that we can do anything that we can imagine.  Anything.  Anything that you can imagine – you can do it.  Your mind is the only thing that limits you.  There is power in your thoughts.  If you limit yourself – you limit those around you – because you see the world as you create it.

You draw people to you, based on your thoughts and emotions.  So consider this – What if you changed one thought – just one little teeny thought – what would you begin to draw toward you and toward your future?

Today I’m going to tell you what one man did.  He had a thought and he pondered on it until it became more – it blossomed into a vision.  A... What if?

“He claimed that human consciousness has an effect 

on the molecular structure of water.”

In 1994 this man Dr. Masaru Emoto had the idea to freeze water and observe the crystals with a microscope.  At first he and his team observed tap water, river water and lake water near the large cities.   But they could not get beautiful crystals from any of this water.  However, when they went to the source of the river and the lakes where the water was pristine they observed beautiful crystals.  And like a snowflake each water crystal had its own uniqueness.

Mmm they thought.  What if we add another element into the mix?

Using the same water, they showed the water words and pictures, they played music to the water and they prayed to the water.

The result was phenomenal.  When they gave the water good words like LOVE,  HAPPINESS, JOY or they played music and offered pure prayer to the water, they began to observe beautiful crystals.  And when they showed the water words like WAR or FEAR they observed crystals that were malformed and ugly.

Everything is Energy and this energy vibrates.  So when the energy of the water and the energy of the pollution combined then the water near the large cities was off balance.  And yet, when they gave this same water hope and joy and beauty – the Energy from the water and the energy from the positive affirmations – created beauty.

Lake Biwa is the largest fresh water lake in Japan that became polluted and toxic – this is a before photo and

 this is after they performed a prayer ceremony over the water.

Before picture of the Fijiwara Dam in Japan and

 after a 1 hour Buddhist prayer ceremony.

After playing music, this is Imagine by John Lennon, and this is

 Heavy Metal Music.

After being shown a photo of an Elephant.

After listening to a speech by Martin Luther King, Jr.

After being shown the word EVIL.

After being shown the words

ANGEL, ETERNAL, LOVE AND GRATITUDE, PEACE, SPIRIT

Does this make you think?  It makes me think !!Forget the water!!! What are you saying to yourself?

I’ve brought you all some water today – and you can choose which one you’ll take – this one with the word WAR on it or one of these with the word LOVE on it. 

Dr. Emoto came into this world in Yokohama, Japan July 22, 1943 and left his body October 17, 2014.  He did some amazing things in his lifetime.  And they all began with a single thought. 

You are capable of doing all of this and more.   I want you to imagine the possibilities and step into your future.

Thank you.