With the last job i was working, i'd been there 30 years, i had developed a routine. I would wake up 1 hour before i was supposed to be at work. I may not have gotten up and out of the bed for another 10-15 minutes - and then i'd rush to the shower, rush to get dressed, put my make up on and get out of the house, rushing all of the time. I never had time to eat. Then i'd be frustrated at the other drivers and myself for being delayed getting to my job, getting to my desk. And i was usually late by a few minutes. Every single day. What a way to start my day.
Now a days, since i'm not working there anymore, and i did something that some people called "retirement" - i don't have to get up at a specific time for a job everyday. My routine has changed.
Theses days, i get up, i get dressed and drive to the gym. I work out, then i come home. I shower, I eat breakfast, and i journal. I read a daily passage from several books, think about my yesterday and then my today and i write about it. And all of this before 9 or 10 a.m.
Sometimes i sit outside to journal, sometimes i don't. These days, things have changed. These days i actually like getting up in the mornings. And no matter what the day brings, i enjoy it, i look forward to it.
You see, i changed the way i see life. Instead of working at it, i now work with it. I decided to change my outlook on the world, on myself. I decided to let go, and let God. This was a difficult decision for me. Because quite frankly, i thought i had been letting God drive.
Once i decided to "let God" i knew that i had to retire from the job i was working. It was killing me. That entire routine that i had developed, was killing me. I was stressed out. I was extremely overweight. I was tired. I was not exercising. I was sick. I was existing. I was everything i didn't want to be. And i knew the only thing that would save me, was me. And i needed to make a huge change.
Consequently, i changed my routine. I now pay attention to what i eat. I used eat out almost every meal. These days, at night, i write out what i plan to eat the next day. I go to the gym. I lift weights at home. I get enough sleep. I take my medicines. I journal everyday. I joined a 12 step program for my overeating and i'm working through the steps. I make a point to do something everyday that helps me to laugh. I sit outside everyday for a few minutes to take in the beauty. I meditate everyday for at least 10 minutes. I now have a part time job that i enjoy. I am going to school, which will eventually lead to going to Ministerial School. With God, I am living my life as God intended.
This didn't happen over night. I've been slowly looking at my life, adjusting it here and tweaking it there for the past few years, and actually retiring in January. But the biggest thing i did was to ask God for help. I thought that i'd been helping myself all of this time, when really i had been deluding myself. I'd just been existing. Now i feel like i'm living. Everyday just gets better and better. And i realized one day that I'm living in Heaven. Right here, right now.
Through the 12 steps and my daily journaling, talking to a few of my mentors, and talking to God, i see myself differently. I actually SEE myself. I Love myself. I'd never realized how much i'd hated myself, hated this body and consequently hated a lot of what i was doing. I was looking out of these eyes and seeing everything wrong in the world.
These days, since i'm looking at myself differently, i'm seeing the world differently. There is a saying, "Seeing isn't Believing, Believing is Seeing." One of my favorites. Because what you believe IS what you see. I Love myself. And these days I see Love everywhere. Because i'm looking out through Love's eyes these days.
I may not be perfect, but what i am is, a work in progress. And i'm very happy with the progress i've made. I've opened up to the Universe and the Universe has responded. All you have to do is ask God for help. It is God's good pleasure to give you what you want. You merely have to ask for it. Think about your life and ask yourself, "how's that working for you?"
Here are some of my readings for today's journaling: Voices of Recovery, "Many people settle for okay, ...thinking in terms of problems, rather than solutions." For Today, "Step by step, i will find my way, asking for help." Jesus Calling, "You tend to feel guilty about pushing back the boundaries of your life to make space for time alone with Me." Daily Word, "World Peace. To change attitudes toward peace, I begin with myself. I connect prayerfully with Spirit."
How are you connecting with God? Are you living your life as God wants you to? Or are you merely existing? What changes can you make to adjust to a fuller, happier, more joyful life?
This is an affirmation i really like: "Spirit leads me, guides me and walks beside me."
What is an affirmation that you like, that helps you through the day?
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